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Description
An accompaniment to my productions project "psychological portrait" [link] I compiled a book of observations entitled "portrait of a psychopath" transcriptions of actual events and interactions with my oldest sister. I was inspired by that episode of the Simpsons when Lisa does the same to Bart. Anyway, in presenting my project my prof had some comments:
"... you said all of this is true right? Do we need to have a talk later?" and asked why I went to the trouble of doing extra work, "the photo itself is fine, great on its own. Do you have a lot of time on your hands?" to which I laughed and said maybe. My prof totally outed me as a spinster in front of my peers.
Still, I had the last laugh when I got my marks back and the print I handed in got an A, which was then crossed out with a note that said "with book" and an elevated grade of A+. HA!
And so, for your reading pleasure, the following is the text from that book:
I verify that the contents of this record are true and accurate.
Entirely true.
Figure A
subject
name: Katherine Martin aka "kitty"
age: 28
height: 5' 9''
occupation: painter
Date: Saturday December 15th, 2006
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
9:37 subject puts on 2005 film
White Noise.
9:39 subject decides that when she hears
white noise, in the movie
White Noise, she will hit me.
9:50 it is called WHITE NOISE.
10:00 believe I am now adverse to
white noise.
Both film and actual noise.
10:10 retreat to room.
Date: Tuesday December 18th, 2006
Time: Afternoon
Place: Living Room
4:30 subject is cutting her hair while
watching Dr. Phil
4:56 hair left strewn on couch.
4:57 retire to room.
Date: Tuesday December 27th, 2006
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
12:00 subject leaves for New York.
will have brief interlude in
observation record.
Date: Thursday December 28th, 2006
Time: Afternoon
Place: Bedroom
4:34 learn Nathan Fillion stars in
White Noise II: The Light.
4:36 am torn between love of Fillion and
abject terror at possibility of
further beatings.
4:39 consider reporting subject for
human rights violations.
Date: Sunday December 31st, 2006
Time: Midnightish
Place: Living Room
11:55 Subject's boyfriend calls from
New York asks to speak to subject,
11:56 remind him that subject is
supposed to be with him, freak out
at possibility that subject is
dead in ditch.
11:57 subject is heard laughing in
background.
11:58 wish subject was dead in ditch.
Date: Monday January 8th, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
5:00 subject begins loudly washing
dishes.
5:10 am split between desire to see
clean kitchen and need for sleep
before school.
5:20 father joins subject in
conversation outside my
bedroom door.
5:22 yell loudly at subject and father
someofushavetosleepthankyouverymuch.
5:25 subject resumes cleaning.
Date: Saturday January 13th, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Living Room
7:36 in fight over remote control,
subject mimicked duck using her
hand, pinching my arm with her
"beak" while loudly quacking.
7:39 incapacitated "duck"
7:41 "turtle" avenges duck's death
7:42 am bleeding. have disinfected arm.
7:56 violence escalates,
subject bites my shin.
7:57 am forced to place subject in
headlock, pushing subject face down
on floor
7:58 with freehand, tickle subject's
ribs while hysterically yelling
"ticky ticky ticky!"
8:09 she BIT MY SHIN.
8:20 after subject's repeated attempts
to revive the "duck", have
restrained subject.
8:30 am free to watch movies in peace.
Date: Wednesday January 17th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:13 arrived home to find that subject
has eaten all my
Triscuit Thin Crisps (tm)
5:14 subject reacted to confrontation
with shame and avoidance.
5:15 Am uncertain what to do with
remaining cheese.
5:16 soymilk also gone.
Date: Saturday January 20th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
3:00 subject finishes last of chocolate
soymilk. Shows no signs of remorse.
3:10 father appears not to have heard
complaint.
3:11 cannot trust father.
Date: Sunday January 21st, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Living Room
4:30 come home to discover apartment in
shambles.
4:31 shamblier than before.
4:32 observe newspaper and plastic
strewn about floor.
4:33 Inquire as to what the subject is
doing.
4:34 response: "building a rocket ship"
4:36 subject appears to be, indeed,
building a rocket ship.
4:38 retreat to room. slowly.
Date: Monday January 22nd, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
2:19 subject enters room without
knocking, waking me, worriedly
yells "I think Starbuck's a CYLON!"
and leaves.
Date: Tuesday January 23rd, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
3:28 subject enters room, waking me,
worriedly whispers
"I think they're going to kill
Starbuck...".
leaves.
Date: Tuesday January 23rd, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Shoppers Drug Mart
7:45 during errand outing, subject
sets off every christmas music-
playing dancing bears in seasonal
aisle.
7:46 flee to housewares aisle.
7:48 am discovered by subject who
describes plans to make another
sweep of the bears.
7:49 engage in stare-down with
subject.
7:50 staredown ends in simultaneous
public spanking with yells of
"No!" and "YES!Bears!"
respectively.
7:55 in checkout, subject slips away
and activates dancing bears.
7:56 run away.
Date: Wednesday January 24th, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Father's Room
6:17 subject engaged in intense
conversation with father,
conversation halts
when I enter room.
6:18 believe something is afoot.
Date: Thursday January 25th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:20 Triscuit Thin Crisps gone.
5:22 crumbs on subject's shirt.
5:24 box in father's room.
conspiracy?
Date: Thursday Feb 01, 2007
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
9:57 subject asks to borrow my vintage
old lady handbag and my reddest lipstick.
9:58 and my large sunglasses
9:59 and my stuffed bear. Bob.
10:00 inquire as to purpose of these items
10:01 response: I’m picking up [boyfriend] from the airport.
Date: Saturday February 3rd, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:27 have been careless. subject
discovers record of behaviour
5:28 father shakes head in amused
disapproval, suggests reality
show called "Henny vs. Penny"
5:29 consider profits potential for
such a venture.
5:29 subject is heard to say: I don't
care, it's all true, I'm an
attention whore, I don't care if
it's good or bad, your whole class is
going to talk about me!
I GIVE YOUR LIFE MEANING!
5:30 hit subject with serving spoon.
Based on the subject’s knowledge of observation this record can no longer be scientific, therefore I am forced to end it prematurely. Perhaps what I have recorded here will aid psychologists in future research on the behaviour patterns of the deranged.
notes
productions project
equipment: minolta srt 100 35mm + sigma 60-200mm lens + fisheye adapter + metz flash unit
shot: f11 1/125
fuji superia 100iso
hand printed: 8x8 f8 @ 11s (+3s burn) y 100 m 81
"... you said all of this is true right? Do we need to have a talk later?" and asked why I went to the trouble of doing extra work, "the photo itself is fine, great on its own. Do you have a lot of time on your hands?" to which I laughed and said maybe. My prof totally outed me as a spinster in front of my peers.
Still, I had the last laugh when I got my marks back and the print I handed in got an A, which was then crossed out with a note that said "with book" and an elevated grade of A+. HA!
And so, for your reading pleasure, the following is the text from that book:
I verify that the contents of this record are true and accurate.
Entirely true.
Figure A
subject
name: Katherine Martin aka "kitty"
age: 28
height: 5' 9''
occupation: painter
Date: Saturday December 15th, 2006
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
9:37 subject puts on 2005 film
White Noise.
9:39 subject decides that when she hears
white noise, in the movie
White Noise, she will hit me.
9:50 it is called WHITE NOISE.
10:00 believe I am now adverse to
white noise.
Both film and actual noise.
10:10 retreat to room.
Date: Tuesday December 18th, 2006
Time: Afternoon
Place: Living Room
4:30 subject is cutting her hair while
watching Dr. Phil
4:56 hair left strewn on couch.
4:57 retire to room.
Date: Tuesday December 27th, 2006
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
12:00 subject leaves for New York.
will have brief interlude in
observation record.
Date: Thursday December 28th, 2006
Time: Afternoon
Place: Bedroom
4:34 learn Nathan Fillion stars in
White Noise II: The Light.
4:36 am torn between love of Fillion and
abject terror at possibility of
further beatings.
4:39 consider reporting subject for
human rights violations.
Date: Sunday December 31st, 2006
Time: Midnightish
Place: Living Room
11:55 Subject's boyfriend calls from
New York asks to speak to subject,
11:56 remind him that subject is
supposed to be with him, freak out
at possibility that subject is
dead in ditch.
11:57 subject is heard laughing in
background.
11:58 wish subject was dead in ditch.
Date: Monday January 8th, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
5:00 subject begins loudly washing
dishes.
5:10 am split between desire to see
clean kitchen and need for sleep
before school.
5:20 father joins subject in
conversation outside my
bedroom door.
5:22 yell loudly at subject and father
someofushavetosleepthankyouverymuch.
5:25 subject resumes cleaning.
Date: Saturday January 13th, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Living Room
7:36 in fight over remote control,
subject mimicked duck using her
hand, pinching my arm with her
"beak" while loudly quacking.
7:39 incapacitated "duck"
7:41 "turtle" avenges duck's death
7:42 am bleeding. have disinfected arm.
7:56 violence escalates,
subject bites my shin.
7:57 am forced to place subject in
headlock, pushing subject face down
on floor
7:58 with freehand, tickle subject's
ribs while hysterically yelling
"ticky ticky ticky!"
8:09 she BIT MY SHIN.
8:20 after subject's repeated attempts
to revive the "duck", have
restrained subject.
8:30 am free to watch movies in peace.
Date: Wednesday January 17th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:13 arrived home to find that subject
has eaten all my
Triscuit Thin Crisps (tm)
5:14 subject reacted to confrontation
with shame and avoidance.
5:15 Am uncertain what to do with
remaining cheese.
5:16 soymilk also gone.
Date: Saturday January 20th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
3:00 subject finishes last of chocolate
soymilk. Shows no signs of remorse.
3:10 father appears not to have heard
complaint.
3:11 cannot trust father.
Date: Sunday January 21st, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Living Room
4:30 come home to discover apartment in
shambles.
4:31 shamblier than before.
4:32 observe newspaper and plastic
strewn about floor.
4:33 Inquire as to what the subject is
doing.
4:34 response: "building a rocket ship"
4:36 subject appears to be, indeed,
building a rocket ship.
4:38 retreat to room. slowly.
Date: Monday January 22nd, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
2:19 subject enters room without
knocking, waking me, worriedly
yells "I think Starbuck's a CYLON!"
and leaves.
Date: Tuesday January 23rd, 2007
Time: Early Morning
Place: Bedroom
3:28 subject enters room, waking me,
worriedly whispers
"I think they're going to kill
Starbuck...".
leaves.
Date: Tuesday January 23rd, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Shoppers Drug Mart
7:45 during errand outing, subject
sets off every christmas music-
playing dancing bears in seasonal
aisle.
7:46 flee to housewares aisle.
7:48 am discovered by subject who
describes plans to make another
sweep of the bears.
7:49 engage in stare-down with
subject.
7:50 staredown ends in simultaneous
public spanking with yells of
"No!" and "YES!Bears!"
respectively.
7:55 in checkout, subject slips away
and activates dancing bears.
7:56 run away.
Date: Wednesday January 24th, 2007
Time: Evening
Place: Father's Room
6:17 subject engaged in intense
conversation with father,
conversation halts
when I enter room.
6:18 believe something is afoot.
Date: Thursday January 25th, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:20 Triscuit Thin Crisps gone.
5:22 crumbs on subject's shirt.
5:24 box in father's room.
conspiracy?
Date: Thursday Feb 01, 2007
Time: Night
Place: Living Room
9:57 subject asks to borrow my vintage
old lady handbag and my reddest lipstick.
9:58 and my large sunglasses
9:59 and my stuffed bear. Bob.
10:00 inquire as to purpose of these items
10:01 response: I’m picking up [boyfriend] from the airport.
Date: Saturday February 3rd, 2007
Time: Afternoon
Place: Kitchen
5:27 have been careless. subject
discovers record of behaviour
5:28 father shakes head in amused
disapproval, suggests reality
show called "Henny vs. Penny"
5:29 consider profits potential for
such a venture.
5:29 subject is heard to say: I don't
care, it's all true, I'm an
attention whore, I don't care if
it's good or bad, your whole class is
going to talk about me!
I GIVE YOUR LIFE MEANING!
5:30 hit subject with serving spoon.
Based on the subject’s knowledge of observation this record can no longer be scientific, therefore I am forced to end it prematurely. Perhaps what I have recorded here will aid psychologists in future research on the behaviour patterns of the deranged.
notes
productions project
equipment: minolta srt 100 35mm + sigma 60-200mm lens + fisheye adapter + metz flash unit
shot: f11 1/125
fuji superia 100iso
hand printed: 8x8 f8 @ 11s (+3s burn) y 100 m 81
Image size
571x573px 282.03 KB
© 2007 - 2024 ohitsmejulia
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This is epic..